Why you quit. (No, it’s not always a lack of discipline)
When you walk into the PIT, one of the first things you'll see is a mural on the wall:
"Discipline is a decision, while motivation is about feelings. If you have discipline, you can keep going regardless of whether you feel motivated or not."
The guy behind that quote wasn't some famous philosopher. It's my old friend Paul Teo, now a BJJ black belt and (last I checked) retired. We've had his words up on the wall since we opened our doors in 2011.
Fast forward to last week. My Instagram algorithm serves me a gym ad that says:
"Motivation fades. Structure and accountability lasts."
But here’s the thing.
Does this mean motivation is useless? That discipline, structure and accountability are the only things that actually drive results?
Short answer: no.
Motivation and discipline aren't mutually exclusive. You can be BOTH motivated and disciplined at the same time, they're not opposing camps you have to pick a side in. An unmotivated person will find it hard to stay disciplined. And an undisciplined person will find it just as hard to stay motivated.
Many people start a fitness journey, fired up, full of energy, and raring to go. Then 3 months later, they fall off the bandwagon saying
"I'm just not motivated enough. I just need to find motivation."
Here's what I want to tell you today.
That's not the problem.
The problem is that you were running on the wrong kind of motivation. And no amount of discipline can fix that.
Let’s go.
There are two types of motivation.
Extrinsic motivation: doing something because of an external reason. You want to lose weight for a wedding. You want to look good for your class reunion. Your doctor told you to. You're chasing a number on the scale. You want to look good naked.
Intrinsic motivation: doing something because you genuinely want to. Because it's enjoyable, meaningful, or just feels like part of who you are.
Now. Which one do you think predicts whether someone is still training six months later?
Yep. Intrinsic, every time.
Extrinsic motivation is like borrowing money. It works for a bit, but the interest eventually kills you. January mega gym crowd? Extrinsic. Gone by March. Every. Single. Year.
Intrinsic motivation doesn't need constant top-ups. It runs on its own. That's what the rest of this article is about: how to get there.
The 3 things you need to STAY motivated
There's a framework called Self-Determination Theory. Researchers identified three core psychological needs that, when met, produce intrinsic motivation almost automatically.
Competence. Autonomy. Relatedness.
There's a fourth one I'm adding extra: Purpose, because it's too important to leave out.
Let's go through each one.
1. Competence:
People are motivated by what they're good at. That sounds obvious. But the implication is more interesting than it looks.
Your brain has a wanting system and a liking system. Dopamine drives the wanting, the hunger to pursue something. Serotonin drives the liking, the actual pleasure of having it. And here's the weird part: the wanting can exceed the liking. You can become more driven to pursue something than you actually enjoy it in the moment, simply because you're getting better at it.
Think about the first time you ever did a deadlift properly. Or ran a distance you'd never run before. Or hit a number on the scale you hadn't seen in years. That feeling isn't just satisfaction. It's your brain going:
"okay, we are GOOD at this. Let's do more of this."
Competence is self-reinforcing. The better you get, the more you want to do it. The more you do it, the better you get.
So how do you build it?
You measure things.
You cannot feel competent if you can't see improvement. And you can't see improvement if you're not tracking anything. Bodyweight (Yes, bodyweight. Not necessarily a pinch test or Dexa Scan), strength numbers, distances, how your clothes fit. Pick your KPIs and watch them move. Something that is easy and convenient to track.
Progress is motivating. Invisible progress is not.
*For those of you who already train with us and have our PIT app, you can talk to your trainer about how you can keep track of various progress like weight, body composition, your various lifts etc.
Many trainers will ask you what your goals are during your first meeting. And then by the end of the session promise you the results you want.
We ourselves ask you the same question as well. But only because we don’t know you from Adam and NEED to know you better and what you hope to achieve. We will let you decide at the end of the session if the process we describe to you will get you where you want to go.
But here's the thing about goals.
Performance goals: "I want to squat 100kg", "I want to lose 10kg" are just desire with a number attached. They tell you what you want. They give you nothing to do on the days you are not hitting them. And the moment you do not hit them, you feel like you’ve failed.
Growth mindset goals: "I want to get better at this", "I want to understand this more", "I want to improve my technique". These are process-oriented. There is always something to do. You cannot fail at getting better, as long as you show up.
Think about it this way. A performance goal gives you two outcomes: hit it, or fail. A growth goal gives you one outcome: keep going. The first is binary and ends the moment life gets in the way. The second has no ceiling. And no ceiling means no reason to stop.
A goal is a final destination. And from my experience, goals can change over time. Focusing on a goal is like focusing on an endpoint. Focusing on it does nothing to guarantee you arrive at your destination. Focusing on how you get there is what you should be doing. Don't commit to an endpoint. Commit to the journey. The numbers will come.
2. Autonomy:
Intrinsic motivation requires one non-negotiable condition: you have to feel like you're doing this freely.
The moment something feels imposed, even if you imposed it on yourself, motivation quietly dies. This is why rigid, joyless diet rules backfire. This is why training programmes that feel like punishments don't last.
In my 27 years as a trainer (as of 2026), I get these type of conversations with clients a lot:
“I’m trying to get my friend in to train with you. He’s let himself go but I can’t convince him to get started”
And my response has been the same all these years:
“Thanks for having faith in us. But don’t try too hard to convince him. He has to want to come.”
Now it’s not that I don’t want the business, but the moment anything feels like an obligation, people start looking for exits.
Another example is my good friend Siti. Her 6-year-old draws these amazing pictures with colour pencils and crayons. But when I suggested formal art lessons to her daughter, she wasn’t keen. Because the joy of drawing and creating is lost.
Sound familiar? The moment exercise becomes something you HAVE to do rather than something you GET to do, the mindset changes.
The other mindset shift is this:
Replace "I don't know" with "I'll figure it out."
Helplessness, the belief that outcomes are outside your control, is the enemy of autonomous motivation. People who believe their actions determine their outcomes are dramatically more persistent, more resilient, and more likely to stick with things long-term. People who believe they're just not the type, or that nothing works for them, will always find evidence to confirm that belief.
“If you look hard enough, you will always be able to find a bad excuse”
You are not "not a gym person." You just haven't found the version of training that fits yet. That's a solvable problem. Go solve it.
3. Relatedness: Your tribe matters
Humans are social animals. Full stop. We did not survive as a species by going solo.
Motivation is contagious. Training in a community, whether physical or online, makes want-to behaviours feel effortless in a way that solo effort simply cannot replicate. You don't need science for this one. You already know it from personal experience.
Think about a time you had a training partner. Or a class you actually looked forward to. Or a coach who genuinely invested in you. Did you skip those sessions as readily as the ones you did alone staring at your phone?
Didn't think so.
Find your people. They will pull you through the days you can't pull yourself. Have trouble finding? Contact us about our strength classes.
Want an example of all 3 points? MAMILs
Middle-aged men in Lycra. During the COVID lockdown in Singapore. Bicycles were sold out everywhere. Even the foldable ones. Why? Guys found every excuse to get out of the house. Point #2
And the “loophole”? Exercise.
Guys that never thought of cycling bought a bike and gave it a go. Still on Point #2
Their friends started cycling as well and even with social distancing, friends met up to go on bike rides together (Point #3) because nobody was breaking any laws. And when the government changed laws to allow only a smaller group size, what did they do? They compared their rides on Strava. Point #3.
Now after 2 months of lockdown and daily cycling, guess what happened? They got good at it! And now, even without lockdown, the same people who, a couple of years ago, never imagined cycling to be a hobby now organise weekly meetups and even cycling holidays together. Point #3 again.
They built a good heart health habit just by realising that they were good at it. Point #1.
Then the more expensive, lighter, aerodynamic carbon fibre bikes came. They wanted to clock faster times. They wanted to perform better. Point #1again. For some, they may have had initial goals of losing weight or getting stronger pre-COVID. But after realising how much they enjoyed cycling (Point #2), their goals in the gym CHANGED. Point #1
“I want to be stronger and EVEN better at cycling in more challenging terrains”. Point #1.
“I really enjoy it” Point #2.
“Wait till my friends see my new personal record on Strava. They might be motivated to work harder as well and we can do that bike trip together next Summer” Point #1, #2 AND #3
*For all my male friends and clients who picked up cycling during this time, I know I teased that you guys wear Lycra because you like the wind up your vagin@s. I just want you to know that I am actually secretly very proud of you. You didn’t allow a GLOBAL pandemic to stop you. Well done.
4. Purpose:
This is my favourite part. And the study behind it is almost funny.
A researcher named Ellen Langer ran a study at a print shop. She had someone walk up to a queue of people waiting to use the photocopier and ask to jump the line.
When they just asked, with no reason given, about 60% of people said yes.
When they gave a reason, even a completely meaningless one like "because I need to make copies" (well knn, that's why everyone is here), 93% agreed.
The brain doesn't evaluate the quality of your why. It just needs one to exist.
Your reason for training doesn't have to be profound. Just write it down. Return to it. Especially on the days when you don't feel like it.
And if you can frame your effort as something that extends beyond just yourself: you're helping your family by being healthy, you're showing your son what hard work and consistency look like, you're the strongest version of yourself so you can give more to the people around you. That activates purpose at a much, much deeper level than personal vanity goals alone.
"I want abs" runs out of fuel fast.
"I want to be strong enough to protect and take care of my family”. That sucker sticks.
It also applies to other aspects of your life.
“I go to work because I have bills”
Vs
“I want to do well at work so that I can provide my family with a comfortable life. To be able to provide my son with the education and tools he needs in life”
So. Why do you actually quit?
Because the motivation was extrinsic from the start. Because nobody told you that competence takes time and you need to track it to feel it. Because the training felt imposed rather than chosen. Because you were doing it alone. Because your “why” was thin.
Not because you lack discipline. Discipline is downstream of motivation. Get the motivation right, and discipline will likely take care of itself.
And motivation isn't a personality trait you either have or don't have. It's a set of conditions. Build the conditions, and motivation follows.
The four conditions:
Competence: Track your progress. Commit to getting better, not hitting a number.
Autonomy: Do this because you want to. Replace helplessness with "I'll figure it out."
Relatedness: Find your people. Training is more fun and more sustainable with others.
Purpose: Know your why. Write it down. Make it bigger than just yourself.
If you've been starting and stopping for years and you're tired of it: come have a conversation with us at the PIT. We’ll help you with your discipline and accountability, you’ll definitely have a great time, and you will never, EVER be going at it alone. We will be down in the trenches with you.
See you at the PIT.
Author: Henson Irving, PIT Director
